i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
