he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like a drive thru vagina
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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