So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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