is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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