You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
