I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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