we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
