I'm laying in your front yard are you home
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
