If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
