Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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