sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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