Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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