Don't make out with my wife yet
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
