I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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