the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
