I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
