I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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