You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I checked into jail on foursquare
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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