If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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