I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
