I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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