Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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