Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
