Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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