so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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