im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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