but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
