what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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