when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
