my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
