I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
