My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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