there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
