Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
