He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
