Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
