Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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