Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
