please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
