She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
