I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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