Are we in a gay sports bar?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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