just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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