Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
