How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
