Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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