Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
