The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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