Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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