DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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