Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
