Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
