We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
