I bet he comes in French.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
