She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
