hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
